Goals VS Intentions

Goals VS Intentions – What’s the Difference

Everywhere we turn we are constantly bombarded by references to goal setting and how important it is. And yes, I too, believe that goals and moving forward are key to a rewarding and fulfilling life. But goals are about the future. Goals help guide us to plan, define our lives and stay the course. Often times goals are things we can not touch because they are in the future.

So how do we bridge the gap between the future and the present? What is that thing that will help us to manifest our dreams, goals and desires with ease and grace? That my friends, is an INTENTION. Intentions are a short string of words that will remind you to be present. Intentions are who you need to be or how you need to show up.

For instance, if your goal is to become CEO of the company you work for then this goal will require you to be different. To show up to work in a new way. That might mean you would begin to speak up in meetings, come up with new ideas and present them, dress differently, stand differently. Setting an intention could define how you will appear to others or how you want others to describe you. Intentions are about your values which provide purpose and inspiration for your life.

Intentions help us to focus on the present. A goal is future based.

You can set a daily intention as a focal point for your day or you could write one that becomes a sort of personal mantra. The one pictured above is one that I created for myself. If this resonates with you feel free to use it. I keep this as my screen saver and have it posted on my office wall. It helps to guide me throughout my day and keeps me on track to my goals. My vision board is close by which depicts my goals and desires for my life. Both goals and intentions are important as we begin to define and build the life of our dreams.

To help you along on your journey in creating intentions that are solely based on your dreams, goals and desires, I have put together a short workbook that will help with the process. Simply click SET YOUR INTENTION and download the workbook. Let me know what you come up with so that I can support you in your vision. Post your intention in the comment section below!

Until next time, live outrageously!

Merry Lynch

PS: For support in your journey, come join me and other like minded women over at The Confident Woman Private FB Group. There is never any need to feel alone as we try new things, experiment with new ways of being or in building a new life. We are there to give a hand up to every woman, listening to your desires and your challenges. We’ve got your back, come join us.

5 things I would tell my younger self

5 things I would tell my younger self (even though I know I wouldn’t listen)

It’s taken me over sixty years to feel as though I can call myself a “wise woman.” For some reason the age of sixty was a benchmark for me in what I refer to as the wise people community. It didn’t have anything to do with my hair having to be grey, even though it is. And I didn’t feel as though I had to have a face full of wrinkles or a body that was bent and aging. It was more of a certain confidence that I noticed in others as they age. A confidence that comes from exposure to different experiences, struggles, successes and relationships. A time in your life when you can hold your head up high and not care if anyone else agrees or disagrees with you, it just is after all your life.

After spending time with family and friends over the holidays and sharing stories, some funny, some tragic and some just plain stupid, I thought about my life and what I could offer for advice to myself. I know, I know, I’m not going to listen, but I thought about these bits of advice anyway.

Here are the 5 things I would tell my younger self:

  1. Friends and family: You know the saying “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family”? I never really thought about what that meant until I moved overseas. Moving to a country where I had no friends or family opened up a world of possibility of just who I wanted in my life. Have you ever given any thought to being more selective of who you spend time with or interviewing possible friend candidates? Usually friends come through us from school, work or other introductions and we rarely reach out ourselves to meet someone new. In moving to a new country, I knew that one of the things that would help make this bold move a positive one was to find new girlfriends and fast.

I have to say that I was a little intimated to seek out new girlfriends as I was in a country where I did not speak the language. I got all caught up in my head about how embarrassing it would be to say to someone “hey, you wanna be my new friend?” So, I decided to hide under the social media cloud until I gained more confidence. In that, I began kind of stalking women on the social media sites I belonged to. I was seeking women in the city that I was living in that had similar interests or similar postings and I began reaching out to them to meet for coffee. Sounds kind of creepy as I write this but that is exactly what I did. As you can imagine some women never responded and quite possibly blocked me from their social media feeds. Other women, possibly being in the same circumstance, welcomed me with open arms.

So, my friendship speed-dating type interviewing began. I realized that I had a choice. I realized that I didn’t have to like everyone and that not everyone was going to like me, and that it’s all okay. Wow! What a load was lifted from my shoulders.

The result is that I live in a foreign country with women from all different nationalities, religions and cultures and I get to call these amazing women my friends. We have rich and deep conversations. We teach one other new recipes and uses for spices. We share our experiences and our thoughts of world views. We show one another our countries own unique traditions, music and share traditional costumes. My life is so rich from these new friendships. The action of taking an active role in discovering new girlfriends has given me a fearlessness and courage to be able to replicate this wherever I travel or move to, knowing that there are women just like me seeking new, healthy and rich girlfriends.

  1. Career: I was one of the fortunate ones. I knew at a very early age what I wanted to do. I think I came out of the womb knowing that I would have a career steeped in retail that would lead me to taking part in developing leadership programs for others. I saw retail as a way to communicate. Once I had the confidence of being one of the best in my field I began to pull out the disciplines that I enjoyed most and began to share those. That served me well in building my life full of passion and purpose.

Now I get to travel the globe, work with international companies in team building and bridging the gap in cultural differences to enhance the work place and profit margin. My work with individual female clients takes a deeper dive into helping them to create a life of soulful purpose using past experiences to design a life filled with passion. Although this unfolding took time, I had layers of negative thinking that I had to release. Layers of self-doubt and perceived unworthiness that needed to be dealt with, but the work and the learning has paid off in ways that I never dreamed of. Doing what you love, even if it is one tiny aspect of your work and learning all that you can about that one thing will take you places you have yet to uncover.

  1. Do what you love: Undoubtedly you have heard the quote, “do what you love and the money will follow?” I was lucky enough to have a great role model that made this quote come alive. My Dad was a Chiropractor when it was illegal. As a young athlete he had been helped by a Chiropractor and decided that he wanted to do the same.

He fought long and hard for his beliefs and for his profession and taught us (my brother and sisters, who are all entrepreneurs) to do the same. It’s not always easy and you don’t always get it right the first time in being an entrepreneur or tackling a profession or career that you love but once you find that “thing” that makes your heart sing, with patience and nurturing the pay off is huge in more ways than one.

Doing what you love for me is a layering process. There were many “things” that I loved doing throughout my life. Many “things” that I enjoyed learning about. It wasn’t until I began noticing a trend that everything began to click. I noticed that I was always placed or gravitated toward leadership positions, I noticed that the teams I built were solid, strong, with little or no turnover, I noticed that these skills could be used anywhere in the world, I noticed that my one on one relationships were more comfortable and deeper with my female clients.

Doing what you love is a mastering of a few small skills or interests and doing it better than anyone else you know. One of my biggest lessons in doing what I love is just being authentic and those that are ready for the message will gravitate toward you.

  1. Live where you love: This seemed to take me forever to understand or grasp. As a mother and now grandmother I had all kinds of perceived ideas of who and what I was supposed to be. Yet, somehow in my mind that did not equate to the life I dreamed about or the life that was playing out in actuality. I was racked with guilt and shame as my role of a mother seemed to veer of course. I was sure that my children would be damaged for life and that there was no one to blame but myself. I had no other role models that I could look up to for inspiration or support.

Then the grandchildren came. I began to have anxiety about what that role meant. I didn’t have the big house with the wrap around porch that I saw in all the movies. I had a career that took me all over the country and parts of Europe. How could that possibly compare to what being a good grandmother looked like in my head? Then the big blow came, the blow that changed everything.

One night while on a Skype call with my granddaughter, who was 6,000 miles away, she said, “you’re the Grammy that lives at the airport.” Although some or many of you may be chuckling at this statement, for me on the other end of the phone I struggled to hold back the flood of tears. What I heard was, I was the Grammy that was not around, I was the Grammy that had no home, I was the Grammy that was not there. My heart felt shattered into a million tiny pieces. All the voices of friends and family that told me I would never last living overseas were blaring in my head.

Then, after the sobbing ceased, I saw the other side of the conversation. I saw the Grammy that could show my little granddaughter the world, I saw the Grammy that could instill a confidence that anything is possible, I saw the Grammy that could help her bridge the gap in cultural understanding and acceptance of others. This Grammy could now stand up tall. This Grammy didn’t have to fit the mold, this Grammy could provide something else. I love living a life abroad. I learn something new every day, either about the place I am visiting or myself. It is an ongoing love affair. One that I hope more people will venture to discover.

  1. Money: It is impossible to talk about life long advice without touching upon money matters. Money is said to be an exchange of services rendered. Ok, sure, in your chosen profession the dollars you are paid may not seem enough and usually are not. But that’s not all that this is about. How do you take care of your money? What are the things you spend your money on that are not worthy of it? How many things do you purchase that you don’t need but what you want? How many things that you purchase do not enhance or provide joy in your life?

After reading the book, “The life-changing magic of tidying up” by Marie Kondo, I realized just how much money or exchange of energy that we waste. Moving to a foreign country and going through the process of down-sizing or in my terms “right-sizing” was life altering. My husband and I had accumulated lovely antiques throughout our life together. Our home was welcoming and warm. Yet when the time came to leave it all behind, the never-ending task of emptying the drawers, closets, garage and storage seemed too much to handle.

None of our children wanted anything. We were burden with stuff, mementos, furnishings that somehow, we thought defined who we were. Then the process of giving it all away began. We struggled in letting go. We moved things from one pile to another seeking to hang on for just a while longer. Then the deadline came. The home was sold, the airline tickets purchased, this was real. It was happening. We dreamed it, we are doing it. Sadness, joy, elation, anxiety came flooding in all wrapped up into one big mixed up emotional mess.

We were told by financial advisers that we needed several million dollars in order to retire or live this lifestyle. We were told that the life we dreamed of was not achievable with our current financial forecast. We were told we didn’t have enough. There is it, that not enoughness again. It took me years to get rid of that scarcity thinking and I wasn’t about to begin adopting it again. So, I began to research. An all-consuming research of others that had lived a life abroad. Of others that didn’t have millions or that had lost their savings in the stock market or poor investment choices.

I knew there was a way, and that meant that keeping scarcity and fear out of the conversation was important. There was no place for the word “no” without a conversation of where it came from. I left no stone unturned. I looked to the internet and found articles on grandparents.com and Time magazine on couples that threw in the towel for plane tickets. I joined internet communities of people that were transferred for career opportunities around the globe, looking at what they did for work, how often they moved and where to, as well as how they lived. Come to find out, it was achievable. I wasn’t making this up and I certainly wasn’t the first one to do this. Fear and scarcity have no place here, the money conversation is about what you want out of life. Stuff or experience. We each have our own answer. By becoming convicted to your dream, seeking a way to make that happen (legally), and then stepping into it without guilt, shame or embarrassment can be done. “What your mind can conceive and believe, your mind can achieve” and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

So, to you, my younger self, I know we must learn from our own mistakes. Each of us uses life lessons in a different way and they mean different things to each of us. Try to remain present, stay away from the blame game, and keep your eye on the prize – no matter how big or small. Live your life, not that of those around you. Listen to your heart, not of those that you see in the movies. Create your world full of the richness that beautiful friendships can offer, work to become special and unique at one thing and share it with the world, do what makes your heart sing, love wherever it is you lay your head at night, and believe that your experiences are not limited to the amount of money in your pocket but are limited to whether or not you choose to have that experience.

What are the things that you would tell your younger self?

To your journey, make it yours!

Merry Lynch

 

5 Ways to Rock Your World in 2018

5 Ways to Rock Your World in 2018

It’s here!!! 2018 is here, so let’s get ready to wipe the slate clean and begin a new. Each and every day we have an opportunity to show up in a different way. We get to make new choices, hopefully better ones, than the day before. We get to show up in a new way, should we choose too, to get different results. Are you ready?

In order to move from where we are to where we want to go and grow we need to get rid of the old to welcome in the new. You must be ready, willing and able to step into a new way of being, thinking and acting.

So, let’s get grounded and ready to make 2018 your best year yet! Here are some suggestions to prepare for creating an amazing 2018! Oh…in order to do this, you first must drowned out the negative voices of not enoughness (did I just make up that word).

  1. Where do you dream to take your life?

That’s kind of a load question and can sometimes bring about a lot of anxiety or confusion. Take some deep breaths and just think about it. What if…..you could (and you can by the way) do that thing, move somewhere, work somewhere, be somewhere else. Where would that be? And then…why there? What does that person, place or thing provide for you? Begin to describe these thoughts in detail, down to the minutest detail. Describe what you look like and feel like once you have that thing.

  1. What are you willing to give up?

Oh no, it’s true. In order to get different results, we must become a different person. So, what do you have to give up about yourself in order to receive or be ready to get something different? Maybe you need to let go of the negative self-talk, or jealously, maybe it’s guilt or shame you need to release. It’s different for everyone. Fear shows up a lot in this question. If that speaks to you, what kind of fear do you need to let go of?

  1. Reflect on your life

Here is where we get to take a look at the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is after all part of who we are. There certainly are parts of me that I don’t like to look at or talk about but sweeping things under the carpet never works for long. This is a great opportunity to take a look at your accomplishments over the past year, where you may have failed or missed an opportunity, and what you are most proud of. We all experience set backs, disappointments and misunderstandings. Here you can look at them, resolve the underlying feelings and move on. It’s also the place to be able to pat yourself on the back for accomplishing something or trying something new.

  1. Practice forgiveness

I have to be honest, this is my stumbling block. It’s not very pretty but it is part of me and something that I am aware of and work on often. Forgiveness is not just about forgiving others, it is also about forgiving yourself. If you are like many, you find it hard to come up with a list of accomplishments but have not problem listing the disappointments or set backs. Look at where these thoughts come from and move these thoughts to a place of kindness and laughter. Forgiving is a process of releasing the ego. When holding judgement of yourself or someone else you actually are giving that person control instead of allowing your dreams to manifest. Holding on tight to the wheel never did anyone any good. Now is the time to have faith in yourself and others.

  1. Build upon your past

We all have them. Sometimes they are messy, sometimes they are freaking awesome; but we all have a past. By looking at the good, the bad and the ugly we then can begin to lay a solid foundation to build upon. Where did you rock the world? Do a time line. Take your age and divide it by 3. Take each section of your life and look at your accomplishments. (For instance: age 60 divide by 3 = 20)

Ages 1-20 accomplishments: first girl to run on the boys track team, President Future Homemakers of America, captain of the cheerleading squad, got married

Ages 21-40 accomplishments: had two daughters, got divorced, opened my first business, married my soul mate

Ages 41-60 accomplishments: became a grandmother, moved to and worked in Poland, learned how to thrive with lyme disease, launched my first website

Your list can go on and on, so don’t be shy about it. It’s for your eyes only. Now circle the one thing that makes you the proudest, makes you feel like you rock the world, makes you giddy with excitement. Describe that person, that feeling, the way you looked. These are the words that we will use in crafting your vision board and your next steps.

Once you have an opportunity to review these five steps, then you’ll have an idea and an open mind to be ready to receive all the goodness that the world has to offer.

Happy New Year!

Merry Lynch

Come join me and other like minded women as we discuss goals, set backs, challenges and triumphs. Hang out with us, we’d love to have you: (CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW TO JOIN UP)

 

10 Things I Have Learned From Living Abroad

Being brought up in a small town in Maine, I used to dream about a life abroad. I wanted to travel and meet people from different places. I wanted to see how they dressed, what they ate, what their daily lives were like. I was a dreamer.

We were very fortunate as a family; my father was a very successful entrepreneur which afforded us to travel throughout the United States and parts of Canada. The one caveat that my father had was we were not to leave the country until we had seen all that the United States had to offer.

Well, as you can imagine, we never left the country, other than a weekend trip to Quebec City. Which I might say, is not a bad thing and is not a bad caveat that my father stated but it did not curb my appetite for wanting to travel abroad.

The first opportunity I had to get on a plane and leave the country was in 1976. I was newly married and my husband and I were going to Venezuela and Aruba for our honeymoon. When we arrived, the streets were lined with army personnel loaded down with machine guns and there were tanks parked on the street.

I was nineteen years old at the time and my mind was spinning with questions. When we finally arrived in Aruba, I saw a different kind of life. The resort life and the way the natives really lived. That image of such disparity has stayed with me all of my life and helped to form the person I am today.

My next trip abroad was in 1994 to Poland and Germany. This time with a new husband, a native of Poland, wanted to show me his world. I was hooked. I loved it, the people, the food, the history, the stories that were around every corner. I swore to him at that time that I would live abroad someday.

Now, fast forward to 2017, it has been a full three years of living abroad and traveling the globe. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Not only have I grown exponentially as a person, woman, mother and grandmother, business woman, and wife; but I have come to realize that we are all just humans looking for connection, acceptance, and love.

My sixtieth birthday was spent in a park with thirty-one other people from seventeen countries. Now that’s what I call living!

I have danced the salsa on the streets of Warsaw

helped to deliver a baby calf in the countryside of Poland

went topless on the beaches of France

 

dropped my cell phone in the Grand Canal of Venice

went snorkeling in the coral reefs of Australia

 and bought my first pair of underwear from a street vendor in Spain

spent a few nights in a Polish hospital when my lyme disease decided to act up

and so much more. And as an added bonus, I have made the most spectacular friends from around the globe.

But how do we get to that point if we are too embarrassed to make a mistake learning a new language for instance, full of guilt or judgment of what others will think about us, or believing that we can’t or shouldn’t. Too often I run across people that are in awe of my life, and although that is flattering, anyone can do this. The list below hopefully will give you the courage to take a step toward your dream life.

10 things I’ve learned from living abroad

  1. Learn to say: hello, good-bye, please and thank you in the native tongue of every country you visit. Learning to live like a native will exponentially enhance your travelling experience.
  2. Introduce to strangers. I know you were told as a child to never talk to strangers. Well…here is your chance. Say hello on the bus, talk to someone at the coffee shop, speak with the cashier, befriend a waitress. People are proud of their country and where they live and are always happy to make your stay enjoyable.
  3. Share your gifts with the world. People are inquisitive by nature. Share a tradition, a recipe, a way to do something different. Even share a smile. In some parts of the world smiling is a lost art.
  4. Learn to laugh at yourself. Living or travelling in a foreign country is fraught with embarrassing moments. Get over it and see the humor in life.
  5. Experiences are more important than stuff. This I know for sure after selling or giving away all of our belongings except for 50 pounds worth of clothing, my life is so much richer now than ever before.
  6. Being inquisitive is a great gift. By being present in the moment you will reap the rewards. By saying “yes” to adventure a whole new world will unfold before you.
  7. Make sure to check out websites like interntations.org, check in with the local American Chamber of Commerce office or the American Embassy during your travels. There are people just like you all around the globe seeking new friends.
  8. When trying something new you’ll suck at it and that is OK. Lighten up, your new life is just on the other side of fear.
  9. Never live on a street name that you can’t pronounce. I know this may sound silly but when ordering a taxi, calling in an emergency situation, or ordering take-out it helps to be able to clearly pronounce your destination.
  10. Even though I live abroad it does not make me any less of an American.

Where is it that you want to go, what do you wish to experience, how do you see your life playing out and how can you impact the world?

Be Authentic and let your light shine. The path will appear.

Lovingly,

Merry Lynch

If you liked this post, please share it with a friend. You never know when you just might change someone’s life.

Check out these other posts that you may find of interest:

Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Lives

Share A Smile With A Stranger

5 Ways To Unsuck Your Life

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The Net Will Appear

The saying “jump and the net will appear” seems to come at the most inopportune times for me. I have a dream or a goal, a vision for something that I would like to do or experience and bam the cycle begins and totally busts a bubble in my dream. It’s like being pushed off the top of the mountain when playing “king of the mountain” as a kid. Except now as an adult the stakes are higher, now I have a reputation to uphold (or at least I think I do), or I could look like a fool if I fail, or I could just plain be totally and utterly embarrassed. Whatever “it” is that I believe could go wrong if in fact I do “jump” are mainly all ridiculous notions that seem to pop up out of nowhere.

Mostly I find for me these negative notions come up when I am trying to go it alone. After all, if I tell someone of my dreams then I might actually have to do something about it. Or, whomever I tell may cut me down at the knees and tell every reason why I can’t do or can’t achieve what I dream I can. So, I keep my mouth shut, I keep my dream inside me and tell no one. Now I am definitely not jumping, what a silly idea, I’ll stay put.

Do you struggle asking for help? Have you ever felt that if you could just find or talk to the right person or get the right information a door could open for you? Has the thought ever gone through your mind that the person you need help from either wouldn’t give it to you or wouldn’t want to help you?

Knowing that over 87% of the thoughts that go through our mind on a daily basis are negative it only makes sense that we could experience negative thoughts when needing or wanting to reach out to someone or do something different.

My experience is no different, my struggles may be just the same as yours; the goal however is to notice the feeling, the struggle, the emotion and move through it seeking those people that are waiting to help. You just need to ask….and the net will appear.

In 2003, after changing my lifestyle from a successful business owner in Portland, Maine to a psychotic resident of the valley of the sun in Phoenix, Arizona I felt as though I had lost my place in life. I knew there was something more in me that I needed to express, that I needed to share with the world, that I had a bigger calling in life but I didn’t know where to begin. I was in total confusion.

I kept having flashbacks of being with my father, who was a vivacious leader, doctor, and motivator but he passed away in 1980. Who was I going to turn to, who is it that could unlock the greatness within me.

As a little girl, my father would take me to motivational seminars. By the time I was ten years old I had seen Dr. Wayne Dyer, Charles “Tremendous” Jones, and Zig Ziglar. The thought came through my head that I needed to speak with Charles “Tremendous” Jones and then the thoughts quickly went to: why would he speak with me, what would I say, and I would probably sound ridiculous. But my inner struggle continued and I kept seeing his face.

One day after googling Tremendous Jones, I picked up the phone still not sure what to say and dialed his number. Thankfully he did not answer the phone so I left a message with my name and number stating that I just wanted to touch bases with him. Knowing that he would never call back, I felt relieved that I could check that off my list until two hours later when my phone rang.

The person on the other end of the phone said: “Hello Merry Lynch, this is “Tremendous” Jones. What can I do for you today.” Sweat immediately began to pour from my body, my mouth became dry as cotton, my head went blank. All I could say was “I can’t believe I’m hearing your voice.”

For some reason, I had a need to see his face, to be with him, to speak directly to him so I made up an excuse. I told him that I was going to be in Pennsylvania (which I was not) in two weeks (where he lived) and that I would like to take him out to lunch. There…I said it…now I waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to answer.

“Well Merry Lynch, no, you can not take me out to lunch.” See I knew it, is where my mind went and then “but you can come by my office and read to me. Shall we say two weeks from today at noon?” My head spinning and my heart pounding, I of course agreed.

The flight reservations where made and off I flew; excited, anxiety ridden, and feeling very courageous all at the same time. I arrived at his office just as planned and waited anxiously for “Tremendous” to appear. Just then the tall, charming man now with an eye patch covering one eye came bursting through the door to shake my hand. “Tremendous” escorted me into his office and we sat down.

We chatted for a few minutes about how I knew of him and then he asked me again, “what can I do for you Merry Lynch?” and I began to tremble. I told him that I was lost, that I knew there was something that I was supposed to be doing but I had no idea how to begin or what it was.

He told me that he had lost his sight in one eye and had trouble reading. His office had a library filled from floor to ceiling with books along one wall. He asked me to walk over to the library wall and without looking select a book and let it open in my hands. I did as he asked.

He then asked me to read to him, both the left and right page and then close the book. Immediately my lips began to tremble and tears ran down my face as I began to read. What a crazy reaction, what is happening to me. The man just asked me to read for heaven’s sake…but hard as I tried the tears kept coming.

I read the pages as “Tremendous” had asked and closed the book. He looked up at me and thanked me for reading to him and then he said, “there is your answer Merry Lynch.”

On no, I didn’t understand. I didn’t get the answer, how stupid of me. He got the answer and I didn’t. I mustered up the courage and replied, “I’m sorry Mr. Jones, I was so nervous that I had no idea what I was reading. Please tell me the answer.”

He told me to take a look at the title of the book. I told him that the title was “100 Best Bible Verses for Leaders.” He replied back, “see there is your answer.” On no, I still don’t get it. I said, “Mr. Jones, what answer?” His response was simple. I wanted it to be complicated. I wanted it to be earth shaking, huge, monumental so that there was no way I could possibly achieve it and then I could just go back to my life and let it be.

But now there was no turning back. The “jump” that I made in contacting him changed my life forever. The net did appear yet I was trying to do the back stroke and take the easy way out. I think we all can attest that taking the easy the way out doesn’t work either.

Tremendous Jones’ simple answer was, “you are a leader Merry Lynch, the world is just waiting for you stand up and lead. There are people out there that need you.” I sobbed, yup, couldn’t stop the faucet of tears. I knew it all along. I spent my life in leadership positions. I had gone through all types of trainings and mentor programs. I knew people liked to follow me, work for me, be with me. I had certifications and degrees in the study of people and yet the task seemed overwhelming to me.

Thankfully Mr. Jones brought me back down to Earth, talking me off the ledge. We talked about leadership, about showing up for others, about lending a hand and I felt a sense of accomplishment and calm. I felt in my heart of hearts that I can do this. I jumped and the net did appear. Charles “Tremendous” Jones was my net.

Shortly after this we parted and “Tremendous” passed away several short months later. I was the last person he saw in his office. My net appeared because I sought it out, I asked for it, I believed in it.

Don’t ever let those dreams be misguided by nay sayers or negative thinking. The gifts you have to share with the world are not about you, your gifts however are about serving. The gifts you have are like no other. You are the only one that can possess these gifts. You are the only one that can deliver the message in your own unique way. And yes, the world is waiting for you.

Gratefully,

Merry

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TESTIMONIALS

Merry’s knowledge, patience and advice helped me get back in the drivers seat of my life. Working with Merry was educational and fulfilling.                             -Bridgette Vermette

It’s been a fascinating journey into myself.                                           -Justyna Janiszewska

Merry’s passion makes all this more interesting.                                -Dorota Dabrowski

A new year, a new you! Join me and other like minded women for Core Confidence in Portland, Maine on January 6, 2018. No excuses, no negative self-talk…learn to love your big beautiful self again and build the life of your dreams.

  • Are you paralyzed by fear and self-limiting beliefs?
  • Do you have dreams but don’t know where to begin?
  • “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t” is what you say to yourself
  • Is the idea of security keeping you stuck
  • What will others think

CLICK HERE TO BUY + BE THE MASTER OF YOUR DESIRES

If you haven’t already done so, head on over to the How To Be Merry Private Facebook Group to connect with other like minded women on a journey to build a life you will love to lead @howtobemerry.

I can’t wait to meet you!

Merry Lynch

 

5 Ways to Unsuck Your Life

Being on the treadmill of life is often times hard or seemingly impossible to get off. We see others living these fabulous lives and yet we stay right where we are in our pity party of existence. Sometimes we go as far as to ridicule others that have something that we want or desire. Yet when given the tools, even though we already have them inside of us, we don’t use them.

The 5 ways that I have learned to “unsuck” my life and move from fear to fearless will seem easy as you read them. Don’t be misled. I want you to be successful. I want you to have everything in life that you desire and that you deserve. Going it alone, doesn’t work for many of us. I see it all the time and have struggled with it myself.

Surround yourself with like-minded people. You know the ones, they pick you up when you fall. Those are the ones you want around whenever you are making any kind of change. Share your dreams, paint a picture for them, get clear and see it (whatever that may be) unfolding in front of you, and always be grateful for the life you have so you can receive the life you want.

Once you have your support system then begin your journey. Here are my 5 ways to unsuck your life:

  1. Tiny Steps-yup this is so important. For me also the hardest of the steps. I prefer to go through life like a bull in a china shop but that doesn’t serve anyone, especially me. By noticing the little things, you will begin to see just how everything all fits together like a beautiful puzzle. Take your dream or goal and break it down to the tiniest detail. Number everything in order of importance and complete each tiny task one by one in order without moving to the next before you have the first one completed. Then track it. Tracking your progress will allow you to see that you are in fact moving forward. When you see your progress, you get to find momentum. As momentum builds you too will find more confidence and conviction to move effortlessly through your detailed tiny item listing.
  2. Two Sides to Every Coin-ugh this gets me every time. There are in fact two sides to every coin, wouldn’t you agree? There also are two sides to every story. Kind of like a checks and balances things. It’s one of the twelve laws of the universe so who could possibly dispute it? Every time a negative thought about yourself or your abilities pops into your head and believe me they will, take a moment to look at it. Like you are observing it as a third person. Is that negative thought really true about you? Most likely not. Are the words that someone said about you true? Nah. Could you be better? Sure, we all could. Once you have a chance to view the “coin” from both sides…let it go. Breathe and let it go. This thought no longer serves you or the world. Let it go.
  3. Mindfulness-I love this. This short three-minute practice will change the way you live your life forever. You can do this three-minute practice as many times during the day or night that you need. My suggestion is to begin by using this short practice before getting out of bed in the morning and before going to sleep at night. Then once you get in the groove of using this technique you might find yourself using it throughout the day as well. So here it is: get comfortable, close your eyes, take deep belly breathes for one minute. Focus on your breath the whole time. Notice it, like feel the air coming in your nose and out through your mouth. Feel your belly rise and lower, that kind of noticing. Then, keep breathing but slow it down a little, move your focus to the thoughts going through your mind. Just look at them and let them go. Observe them move but without wanting to grab a hold of them or put any emotion toward them. Do this also for one minute. For the third minute, go back to focusing on your breath. Big deep belly breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth while moving your attention once again to the sensations that this type of breathing provides. As the third minute draws to a close, slowly wiggle your toes, move your hands around and open your eyes. This short technique will rock your world. Need a little more convincing when it comes to mindfulness meditation? You can read about it more in my e-book Your Daily Dose – your prescription to living life to the fullest.
  4. Visualize-gotta see it to believe it. The oldest technique for achieving anything great, the one used by athletes, organizations (like Google and Microsoft), and multi-millionaires. The caveat here is that you have to have a clear vision or a dream, a goal, an aspiration. By clear, I mean, one that you can clearly articulate. This is where I find most people get stuck in visualizing. The fear crops up once we see that our dream can be a reality and then when it comes time to articulating this dream, we lose it. Can’t find the path and then we quit. Sound familiar? So, get your dream in sight, feel it (this is a must), see yourself in the dream (look pretty good, huh?). Once you see yourself in your dream then begin to describe who you have to be, to become that person. Who do you admire that has the traits that the new you needs? Do you need to smile more (tiny steps remember), do you need to be more outgoing, do you need to be smarter with your money? Things like this…Then you have to begin to be that person. Believe it and the dream will appear. Want to learn how to create a vision board that works? Join me in Portland, Maine on January 6, 2018 for Core Confidence Visions. Don’t let another year pass you by. Registration is now open!
  5. Believe-Amen to that. It is my belief that we were all put on this Earth as perfect human beings. No matter what race, color, gender, religion, disability or not, we are all perfect as we are. If that is true, then the world is my oyster. Right? Easy enough. The gifts that you have are like no one else’s. You are the only one that can share your gifts in the way that only you can do. The best part of believing is the understanding that if you are the only one with these gifts then you have an abundance of opportunities to share your gifts and live a life of abundance.

By going through these five simple and free steps to unsuck your life your dreams will unfold just as they are supposed to. Believe that the world is abundant. Believe that you deserve everything in life that you want with goodness and love. Bring it on…let go…love abundantly and Unsuck your Life.

Gratefully,

Merry Lynch

 

 

 

 

Interested in making better choices? You may want to read these articles…

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When The World Is Your Oyster

Let’s face it, dreaming can be a scary thing. We get these hair brained ideas in our heads of the things we can accomplished, the places we can go, the things we can see, the people we can meet and then…nothing. Is it all just a dream?

The saying “the world is your oyster” can be terrifying. Which way do I go? I like many things, how can I possibly decided or do I? There are many stages in life that each provide their own set of opportunities or life experiences. Yet how do we harness these times in our lives to make the most out of them, making the world my oyster.

A few years ago, well actually it is more than a few years ago, a couple walked into my retail shop. I had built my dream or at least the start of it. My vision was to own my own business by the time I was forty years old. Ten days before that date was opening day. I took my skills and experiences and opened a luxury stationery store in the historic city of Portland, Maine. It had the finest stationery, pens, desk accessories and décor for your office that you could ever want or dream of. It was quite spectacular.

This day would prove to be different. As I greeted the couple that walked through the door, they told me of their need for personalized stationery. I showed them the selection and we all sat down to discuss what they had in mind. As we talked the husband asked me about my business and where the idea came from. I was very passionate and loved what I had created so it was easy for me to answer that question.

He then asked me how I felt about “change”.  My immediate response was “change, is my middle name.” Which was true in my mind. I am a lover of many things and have many interests, always have and I hope always will. Yet, sometimes this love of many things and talents in many different areas keeps me stuck, confused and sometimes even fearful. I wonder how many of you reading this can relate to this or at least know of someone like this.

It was at that point where he asked me if I had ever read the newly published book “Who Moved My Cheese”? Quite honestly, I had never even heard of this book let alone read it, I told him. He went on to introduce himself. His name was Dr. Spencer Johnson, the author of Who Moved My Cheese. This small and entertaining book was just what I needed to hear. Spencer went on to explain to me that we need to see change not as the end of something, we must learn to see change as a beginning. That life demands a certain amount of risk and adventure.

This conversation set me free. Sure, I had accomplished some great things in my life and career but I knew there was more in me. I had a lovely and profitable business after all, what more could one want. These were the words that I heard from friends and family. This day when Dr. Spencer Johnson and his wife walked into my shop was a blessing. Some might say it was serendipitous, or there are no coincidences, whatever it was; my world had just been turned upside down or right side up.

Breaking through fears, is what sets us free yet for many that is where they stop or cop out or let the negative self-talk or fear, powerlessness, confusion; stop them dead in their tracks. Thankful for me, my Dad was the ultimate positive mindset junkie. I knew I could do anything I set my mind too but therein lies the problem. Just what, with all the ideas, skills and interests that I had was I going to “set my mind to next?”

In the book “Who Moved My Cheese”, the Cheese represents our life, our job, our home and family. Cheese is what we think makes us happy and when the day comes that some part of this so-called happiness is taken from us for a multitude of reasons, we fall apart and become the victim instead of seeking new ways of doing things, seeing new opportunities or trying on a new way of being. Wherever you are in this journey of life, the risk taker, the sedentary, the fearful; stay present in the moment. When catastrophe strikes (as we view it), by remaining present we can then see the opportunities or another way out.

I will never forget that day or that conversation. This was the first day of the rest of my life, as they say. I soon began importing luxury stationery and accessories from Europe, opened a store in Europe and dove into a joint venture as the President of US Operations for another luxury European stationery brand. Life takes us on twists and turns. The road is not always clear, we can’t always see the end or what is around the corner. Being open to the possibilities no matter when they arrive, will bring abundance instead of scarcity into your life.

The world is your oyster, let that be your legacy. Keep finding new cheese. Experiment with new ways of doing things, new ways of viewing situations, new ways of growing yourself personally and professionally. Design your path and walk it.

Wisdom from  Who Moved My Cheese (adapted from business-book-summary.blogspot)
• Anticipate change.
• Adapt quickly.
• Enjoy change.
• Be ready to change quickly, again and again.
• Having Cheese makes you happy.
• The more important your Cheese is to you, the more you want to hold on to it.
• If you do not change, you can become extinct.
• Ask yourself “What would I do if I weren’t afraid?”
• Smell the Cheese often so you know when it is getting old.
• Movement in a new direction helps you find New Cheese.
• When you move beyond your fear, you feel free.
• Imagining myself enjoying New Cheese, even before I find it, leads me to it.
• The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find New Cheese.
• It is safer to search in the maze than remain in a cheeseless situation.
• Old beliefs do not lead you to New Cheese.
• When you see that you can find and enjoy New Cheese, you change course.
• Noticing small changes early helps you adapt to the bigger changes that are to come.
• Read the Handwriting on the Wall
• Change happens. They keep moving the Cheese.
• Move with the Cheese and enjoy it!

Where will your pearl bring you? What is in store for your life that is yet to be discovered? If in fact “the world is your oyster” where is it going to take you? Go ahead, go out and find your oyster. It’s out there waiting for you, this I know for sure.

Enjoy!

Merry Lynch

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So You Want To Live In A Foreign Country

My husband, the hopeless romantic, and I, the consummate dreamer, decided after almost four years of traveling and living out of a suitcase that it was time to settle down. During our time on the road, each time we landed somewhere the discussion was always the same. “Could I live here” was the question and the conversation pursued.

We talked about ease of getting around, the possible language barrier (generally for me since Zdzich speaks four languages and I just barely speak English), the food, the politics and people, things to do, places to travel to that are nearby. We talked about moving to Spain, France and Italy, which are our favorite destinations. We worried about missing family and especially the grandchildren. We discussed growing old in a foreign country and death. We calculated our savings time and time again. We talked about our fears, trepidations and intimidations. And we found that these discussions brought us closer together.

Through this process, we eliminated and cleared the clutter that although we had no personal belongings left we did have mind clutter and emotional baggage that we needed to let go of. Both of us had stuff, the kind that is swept under the carpet to fester. But wait a minute, all we wanted to do was decide on a place to live and then this bag showed up at the door. A big one too! One for each of us that needed to be dealt with and sifted through.

After 3 marriages for both of us, we had lots to release, lots to forgive and let go, lots to be grateful for, lots to look forward to. We spent our days and nights talking about what this move meant to both of us. What settling down away from what we were accustomed too was going to mean and how we would function.

After a trip around the world in the later part of 2015 we finally came to the decision that our first home abroad would be Poland. Believe it or not there are many reasons to want to reside in Poland. A country that has a tumultuous history is also one of strong and determined people. They suffered so much loss but are full of love and humor.

We knew we wanted to live somewhere in Europe within the EU and when we looked at a map, Poland was in the center. Since we both love to travel that was a big push for us to live in Poland. Getting anywhere in Europe either by plane, train, bus or car is easy and inexpensive. Being in the EU brings ease of travel and makes other personal concessions mindless. Cell phones and health care is all interchangeable, so it almost feels like we are in the US. Zdzich, being a Polish citizen, allows for this ease. I hope to become a Polish citizen within the next few years, that is if I can ever wrap my tongue around this language.

We agreed right from the beginning that we wanted to live in a historic building. And although we did look at units in newly built complexes, we kept going back to our love and warmth of being in New England. Altogether we viewed around twenty units and spent hours on the internet looking in the wee hours of the night.

Because we also both love the outdoors we wanted a balcony. Because we love to travel so much a house was out of the question. We wanted something that we could lock the door and go without having to think about upkeep. We saw ourselves sitting on the balcony, having an herb garden and some flowers. A little place to escape too.

The other things that were important to us was a building that had an elevator. This is hard to find in the older buildings as under communism buildings only were allowed an elevator if they were over five stories high. And although my first love is an attic unit with the awkward ceiling line, climbing ninety-five stairs several times a day seemed a bit out of the question as we age. And although I hate to talk about age in that way, I had to be real.

Then it was dealing with the car. Just how much longer would own one, do we really need it or want it? Winters are harsh, we need a garage, or do we?

After what seemed like an eternity, we finally saw a building and without even entering, knew that this was the one. It was sheeted and we couldn’t even see the front of it, but it had a rich history. Built in 1915, this old tenement has stories to tell and I felt like it was ready for a new beginning.

So, although we let go of the elevator (the unit is on the second floor), the garage – not in a historic building, balcony – traded for big windows we feel like we won something else, something we didn’t expect. A feeling….

The seven-foot windows blast light throughout the space. The original parquet floors are in nearly perfect condition and all in place waiting for their new family. The eleven foot ceilings bring an air of elegance and the original double paneled doors welcome you to settle in and get comfortable.

In Poland, when you purchase a unit, it is empty, totally, no kitchen, bath, appliances. You buy the space and the walls and then it is up to you. In this case, the building is going through a historic renovation both inside and out. The unit is just as it was left, holes in the walls and all. Everything, down to where the electrical outlets go is up to us. Thrilling, scary, ludicrous, outrageously exciting; all kind of mixed up together.

The journey is just beginning. We both know that there will be times of joy and times of fear. Times of excitement and times of wanting to throw in the towel. Times of love that we have not yet experienced and times of disappointment. It’s crazy to say though, I think we are ready for whatever comes our way.

 

Choices

We all have them and come across them many times throughout our daily life. Some are bigger than others, some more important but none-the-less they have to be made. Often we might find ourselves just going along with the status quo so as to not ruffle the feathers (so to speak) other times we may remain silent out of fear, embarrassment or shame. Some times we may just go along with the crowd because frankly we don’t give a damn if we eat Italian or Greek food tonight.

No matter what, choices effect everything we do. Many times, I find in working with individuals that they have not defined who they are and what they stand for. You have got to define who you are otherwise your life will be spent sitting on the fence just going with the flow of whoever pushes or drags you along. To me that is just a sad way to live life.

Designing a personal mission or values statement will allow you to make better choices because of what you value and who you are at your core belief system. Drawing a line in the sand (if you will) of your likes, dislikes or boundaries you essentially begin to hold yourself accountable to these truths. Thus laying the foundation for living a life of confidence.

In Caroline Myss’s TEDX talk about choices, she mentions being in integrity with your word. Yet if you have not defined what you stand for then you will struggle with making choices that resonate with you as a person.

Take a few moments to begin defining who you are by answering these questions:

  • What does true happiness mean to me? Describe a moment in time where I experienced true happiness and what did this moment represent for me?
  • What am I most proud of doing or accomplishing?
  • What make me angry?
  • What do I like to do when I am not working or taking care of the children?
  • What do I love the most to do?
  • Whom do I admire most?
  • What trait does that person have that I would like more of in my life?
  • When am I at my best?
  • Describe my ideal self.

Take the time to dream, feel what each question has to offer. Write short answers or long, this is for your eyes only. Some questions may have multiple answers. Write them all down but circle the one that has the most positive emotion attached to it. These questions will help you to begin to define who you are and what you stand for. Over time, I will dig deeper on this topic so you will develop your personal values statement.

It is said that the average adult makes approximately 35,000 decisions in any given day. Wouldn’t it be great if more of these decisions or choices were made from a place of knowing or acknowledging who you are? Choices, we all have to make them, put aside the anxiety, the what if’s, the he/she isn’t going to like me; and get on with life. Take a deep breath, begin to answer the questions above and start your journey of self-discovery.

Until next time…

Merry Lynch

 

 

 

My heart bled…or lessons from a 4 year old

cammieMany of you know in 2013 my husband and I made a decision to live overseas. There were so many things to think about and get done in order to make this happen. Not to mention of course the emotional struggle that went on inside my head of moving away from my daughters, grandchildren and other family members and dear friends.

We attempted this move ten years prior but after a few short months I could not stand the pull of my heart strings and being away from my girls. This time I swore it would be different, only this time grand children were involved.

In my mind, I could pull this off. After all there is technology now that allows us to connect with people around the globe face to face any time of day or night. So how bad could it be? Everyone is happy and healthy so all should be right with the world in my moving half way around the globe, right?

We made this move when my youngest grandchild was just two years old. I kept telling myself, “she’ll be okay without me,” and I will be back to visit several times a year so just how bad could this be? Until the day I received that frightful phone call and my life tumbled out of control.

My daughter called as she was putting the children to bed. The little one got on the phone, a sweet little girl. We were video chatting so I could see her and her brother. I mentioned how lovely her nightgown was and asked her about it.

She thought for a minute or two with her eyes gazing away and then looked back into the screen and said “my Granny bought it for me. The one that has a house because you live at the airport.” Even now as I recall these words I get all welled up in my throat and my eyes water.

I realized then, that I don’t have a “home” for her to go to. A place where Grammy lives that she comes to stay for the summer or during school vacations. What kind of Grandmother am I? All the movies portray a Grandmother in a big old home with a wraparound porch and all I have is a suitcase with a plane ticket for my next journey. What kind of traditions am I showing her? What will she think of me when she grows up? How could I do this to her?

It seemed like forever before I could come to my senses. I was floating around in this sea of negative thinking. I wanted everything to stop but I didn’t seem to have the power and yet this little girl was looking at me on a screen from the other side of the world. Just then when my heart stopped pounding and my feet landed on the ground again I realized just who I was.

I AM the Grammy that lives at the airport. I will be the one to show her the world. I will be the one that will lay the foundation for her to be inquisitive about other races, religions, languages and food. This Grammy will show her the world and share experiences that will last a lifetime, and long after I am gone this little girl will have memories to carry her through the good times and bad.

She will learn, from her Grammy that lives at the airport, that nothing is impossible. She will learn to laugh at herself, to think well of herself not in loud words but in great deeds, to be as enthusiastic about the success of others as she is of her own, to be filled with light and love. And most of all to know that she is deserving of all things great.

So, this Grammy that lives at the airport will forever be grateful for this valuable lesson she learned from a four year old. We all have gifts to share, and this is mine.

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